I had a really crappy day. Like crappier then the usual weekend i'm stuck at home with 3 rowdy kids that don't listen kind of day. By the time Russ got home from work I was in such a bad mood that i didn't give a crap about anything anymore. I told him when He walked in the door "I'm not cooking and all i want is a big fat greasy cheeseburger that will just stick to my butt." So we loaded up the kids in the car and went on a quest for dinner. By the time we drove down town, my self sabotaging mood was over and i ended up getting Subway for dinner.. I didn't get the healthiest choice on the menu (Chicken Pizziola Melt) but I did just get the 6" and it was by far not the Double Whopper I was aiming for.
Thinking about it later, I was thinking WOW I have come a long way! A year and a half ago i would have eaten a Whopper meal, large fry, large soda and 2 tacos on a normal day. *vomit*
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
Body Image
A friend on a weight loss support group made a post about Body Image. She went on to explain that she sees herself smaller then she is. She feels big, but really is a very average size. SO she made this post to see what other people had to say about their own body image. The other ladies in the group replied that they agree with her. They see themselves as FAT, but really they are not as big as their brain makes them believe they are. This got me to thinking
My body image is a wee bit backwards from what they described.
I have ALWAYS been the fat girl. I ‘think’ I was born 200 lbs. In High School I don’t remember wearing anything smaller then a size 18. At my heaviest I was 376lbs and I’m 294 now. My brain has always led me to believe that I was the same size as everyone else around me. So when I look in the mirror I see a skinny girl trapped in a fat girl's body. I'm always double checking cause I can't believe how big I am when I stand in the mirror when I go around in life thinking that I’m the skinny girl. Now that I weigh lighter then I did when Olivia and Ayden were conceived (I was 316 with Olivia and 309 with Ayden) I'm struggling with the idea of actually becoming the skinny girl I always imagined I was. At the beginning of my journey I wasn't focused on oh I’m going to have to buy new clothes, or I’m going to look so hot! It was more fear about what I’m going to look like, and if I’m going to recognize myself. Will I lose myself and all that I stand for in the process? Thinking about it I’m almost traumatized because I don’t know myself as a skinny person.
Growing up and hearing all these itty bitty tiny girls complain about having to lose 5lbs to get a guy to notice them, or to fit into their prom dresses it hurt really badly inside because they don’t know what it’s like to be FAT!
As I have read the responses to the original post over and over. I wonder if my body image is all wacked out. Would my views be different if I were in a different situation? I have really been thinking a lot about this. I’ve been working on the mental aspect of my journey. How can I understand my views on body image and how it pertains to me? It’s pretty deep!
What is your body image? How do you deal with your transformation and your views on Body Image?
My body image is a wee bit backwards from what they described.
I have ALWAYS been the fat girl. I ‘think’ I was born 200 lbs. In High School I don’t remember wearing anything smaller then a size 18. At my heaviest I was 376lbs and I’m 294 now. My brain has always led me to believe that I was the same size as everyone else around me. So when I look in the mirror I see a skinny girl trapped in a fat girl's body. I'm always double checking cause I can't believe how big I am when I stand in the mirror when I go around in life thinking that I’m the skinny girl. Now that I weigh lighter then I did when Olivia and Ayden were conceived (I was 316 with Olivia and 309 with Ayden) I'm struggling with the idea of actually becoming the skinny girl I always imagined I was. At the beginning of my journey I wasn't focused on oh I’m going to have to buy new clothes, or I’m going to look so hot! It was more fear about what I’m going to look like, and if I’m going to recognize myself. Will I lose myself and all that I stand for in the process? Thinking about it I’m almost traumatized because I don’t know myself as a skinny person.
Growing up and hearing all these itty bitty tiny girls complain about having to lose 5lbs to get a guy to notice them, or to fit into their prom dresses it hurt really badly inside because they don’t know what it’s like to be FAT!
As I have read the responses to the original post over and over. I wonder if my body image is all wacked out. Would my views be different if I were in a different situation? I have really been thinking a lot about this. I’ve been working on the mental aspect of my journey. How can I understand my views on body image and how it pertains to me? It’s pretty deep!
What is your body image? How do you deal with your transformation and your views on Body Image?
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Gettin my SH*T together!
I really.. I mean REALLY.. struggled the last 3 months of 2011. I honestly can't really tell you what happened. Just that I flat out stopped caring! Life and all its stresses got the better of me.
In the beginning of December I went to a new General Practitioner. He was pretty cool. Much better then the jerk I went back to in July or so. I really was just going to establish a new doctor and to get my meds refilled. But I came out with higher confidence knowing that having someone to back me up is pretty dang awesome. When i told him that i had lost 67lbs by calorizing and getting my butt off the couch. He seemed genuinely proud of me! :) That meant a LOT. I told him that i had been struggling since Halloween with watching what i ate and getting my sweat on. He told me with it being such a rough time of year with Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years (and 2 birthday's in between) then he understands how hard it is. He suggested not stressing out about it, and just hit it hard in the New Year.
I took his advice to heart. I slacked WAY too much and ended up gaining back 11 pounds! :( I gained the mentality of "Ohhh I can eat this, ill just burn it off in January.. " When i hit the 5lb gain, i was thinking ohhh it's ok, it's only 5 pounds. Then when i reached the 7lbs gained. I still have lost 60 lbs in under a year, that's good right?!?!
Now that it is January 1. I'm thinking WOW it was hard work getting those 10lbs off the first time. Now I gotta do it all over again! :( What was I thinking?!?! UGH!!!! But I'm back!! I'm going to do this!!! I have 19 days before I hit my "1 year to a new me anniversary" and I have 25 days before I go back to my doctor that got this ball rolling in the first place!! So if I kill it and stay on track, I should have those 10+ lbs gone in no time!!
SO hear's to a newer new me!! Yay!!
I'll get some Before and Current Pictures up today, after I have a shower :P
My Official New Years Resolutions:
1) Reach my FIRST goal weight and then some!
2) Get the Hubs on the band wagon to a new him!
3) Blog about my weight loss journey EVERY day! Monday to Friday At Least :P
4) Use MyFitnessPal and all it's offerings to their fullest!
Looks like a good start :P
How did you stay focused during the Holidays?! Were you able to stick to your guns?
In the beginning of December I went to a new General Practitioner. He was pretty cool. Much better then the jerk I went back to in July or so. I really was just going to establish a new doctor and to get my meds refilled. But I came out with higher confidence knowing that having someone to back me up is pretty dang awesome. When i told him that i had lost 67lbs by calorizing and getting my butt off the couch. He seemed genuinely proud of me! :) That meant a LOT. I told him that i had been struggling since Halloween with watching what i ate and getting my sweat on. He told me with it being such a rough time of year with Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years (and 2 birthday's in between) then he understands how hard it is. He suggested not stressing out about it, and just hit it hard in the New Year.
I took his advice to heart. I slacked WAY too much and ended up gaining back 11 pounds! :( I gained the mentality of "Ohhh I can eat this, ill just burn it off in January.. " When i hit the 5lb gain, i was thinking ohhh it's ok, it's only 5 pounds. Then when i reached the 7lbs gained. I still have lost 60 lbs in under a year, that's good right?!?!
Now that it is January 1. I'm thinking WOW it was hard work getting those 10lbs off the first time. Now I gotta do it all over again! :( What was I thinking?!?! UGH!!!! But I'm back!! I'm going to do this!!! I have 19 days before I hit my "1 year to a new me anniversary" and I have 25 days before I go back to my doctor that got this ball rolling in the first place!! So if I kill it and stay on track, I should have those 10+ lbs gone in no time!!
SO hear's to a newer new me!! Yay!!
I'll get some Before and Current Pictures up today, after I have a shower :P
My Official New Years Resolutions:
1) Reach my FIRST goal weight and then some!
2) Get the Hubs on the band wagon to a new him!
3) Blog about my weight loss journey EVERY day! Monday to Friday At Least :P
4) Use MyFitnessPal and all it's offerings to their fullest!
Looks like a good start :P
How did you stay focused during the Holidays?! Were you able to stick to your guns?
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Weigh In 6-20
Today is the 5 month mark. 5 whole months since i started this craziness!!! It's amazing!! I never in my whole life would have thought i would have accomplished as much as i have in 5 short months!
So today, I did my weigh in! I lost another 2.2lbs!! Victory!! I haven't quite hit my 50lbs yet. But for sure next week!!
The cruditis in my chest is finally breaking up, so it won't be long before i can hit the gym again! When that time comes, watch out!!! Game on!!!
I'm proud of my 2.2lbs especially knowing that it would not have been that had i given into the potato mess on Saturday.
If i hadn't figured this out sooner, then now would be the time that i would be saying, WOW I'm actually doing this!!!
So today, I did my weigh in! I lost another 2.2lbs!! Victory!! I haven't quite hit my 50lbs yet. But for sure next week!!
The cruditis in my chest is finally breaking up, so it won't be long before i can hit the gym again! When that time comes, watch out!!! Game on!!!
I'm proud of my 2.2lbs especially knowing that it would not have been that had i given into the potato mess on Saturday.
If i hadn't figured this out sooner, then now would be the time that i would be saying, WOW I'm actually doing this!!!
Being stuck in sodium h*ll and coming out alive!!
This weekend was hard. It was Russ's Grandmas 85th birthday party. K, lets just say, his family LOVES to eat!! They don't care, cause they could eat a truck load of cheeseburgers and not gain a pound. So they served lunch, and I look at the spread. There is 3 HUGE Dutch ovens of Dutch Oven Potatoes (Sodium H*ll). I can just imagine how much salt was used in the creation of those bad boys. SO i get up to the table while loading up the kids plates. and see they have Potatoes with steak, Potatoes with ham, and potatoes with hamburger & sausage. Welll... I just died!!
Thank goodness at the end of the table was a lonely bowl of green salad and a platter of fresh fruit. So when i went to load up my plate I headed for the salad. Of course I got some flack from Uncle who created the ewwwy gooey goodness. Like he was offended that i wasn't eating his heart attack in a pot!! I had 2 heaping servings of salad with Full Fat Dressing and a nice little fruit salad and went on my merry way!! I sat at the table watching everyone else enjoy their feast trying not to stare.
After the meal, it was pointed out that they had set up an ice cream sundae bar over in the corner beside the mountain of a thousand different cupcakes. The sundae bar had every topping known to man!! I asked Russ's aunt to help the kids with their dessert so i didn't have to go and look at the sugar. Of course my children returned with enough sugar to keep them fastened to the ceiling for at least the remainder of the week.
But I was pleased with my decision of sticking to my guns. Of course I starved the whole rest of the day.. but it was worth it :)
Thank goodness at the end of the table was a lonely bowl of green salad and a platter of fresh fruit. So when i went to load up my plate I headed for the salad. Of course I got some flack from Uncle who created the ewwwy gooey goodness. Like he was offended that i wasn't eating his heart attack in a pot!! I had 2 heaping servings of salad with Full Fat Dressing and a nice little fruit salad and went on my merry way!! I sat at the table watching everyone else enjoy their feast trying not to stare.
After the meal, it was pointed out that they had set up an ice cream sundae bar over in the corner beside the mountain of a thousand different cupcakes. The sundae bar had every topping known to man!! I asked Russ's aunt to help the kids with their dessert so i didn't have to go and look at the sugar. Of course my children returned with enough sugar to keep them fastened to the ceiling for at least the remainder of the week.
But I was pleased with my decision of sticking to my guns. Of course I starved the whole rest of the day.. but it was worth it :)
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
When you feel like you've been hit by a truck
It is so hard to stay on track when you are feeling well. But when you are so sick you can barely function it's hard to stick to your guns.
I have been feeling like crud this week. My chest is filled with glue, and my throat has sharp daggers in it. So, the only thing I REALLY want to eat is Ice Cream.
A whole 50 gallon bucket of it!!
I have stayed away from the ice cream though! Woot!! But the Sonic Ice cubes are not safe!!! Thank goodness they won't stick to my hips when this is all said and done :)
I lost my voice yesterday. The kids LOVE that i can't yell at them. I can yell, but the volume of noise that comes out of my mouth is equivalent to my normal speaking voice. They think it's pretty cool. But I think It's SO annoying!!
The hubs took pitty on me and made me homemade chicken noodle soup. I can't eat store bought soup, you know how much sodium is in that stuff?? So he was sweet :)
Next week is a new week right? That's what they say anyway :P
I have been feeling like crud this week. My chest is filled with glue, and my throat has sharp daggers in it. So, the only thing I REALLY want to eat is Ice Cream.
A whole 50 gallon bucket of it!!
I have stayed away from the ice cream though! Woot!! But the Sonic Ice cubes are not safe!!! Thank goodness they won't stick to my hips when this is all said and done :)
I lost my voice yesterday. The kids LOVE that i can't yell at them. I can yell, but the volume of noise that comes out of my mouth is equivalent to my normal speaking voice. They think it's pretty cool. But I think It's SO annoying!!
The hubs took pitty on me and made me homemade chicken noodle soup. I can't eat store bought soup, you know how much sodium is in that stuff?? So he was sweet :)
Next week is a new week right? That's what they say anyway :P
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