Body Image

A friend on a weight loss support group made a post about Body Image. She went on to explain that she sees herself smaller then she is. She feels big, but really is a very average size. SO she made this post to see what other people had to say about their own body image. The other ladies in the group replied that they agree with her. They see themselves as FAT, but really they are not as big as their brain makes them believe they are. This got me to thinking

My body image is a wee bit backwards from what they described.

I have ALWAYS been the fat girl. I ‘think’ I was born 200 lbs. In High School I don’t remember wearing anything smaller then a size 18. At my heaviest I was 376lbs and I’m 294 now. My brain has always led me to believe that I was the same size as everyone else around me. So when I look in the mirror I see a skinny girl trapped in a fat girl's body. I'm always double checking cause I can't believe how big I am when I stand in the mirror when I go around in life thinking that I’m the skinny girl. Now that I weigh lighter then I did when Olivia and Ayden were conceived (I was 316 with Olivia and 309 with Ayden) I'm struggling with the idea of actually becoming the skinny girl I always imagined I was. At the beginning of my journey I wasn't focused on oh I’m going to have to buy new clothes, or I’m going to look so hot! It was more fear about what I’m going to look like, and if I’m going to recognize myself. Will I lose myself and all that I stand for in the process? Thinking about it I’m almost traumatized because I don’t know myself as a skinny person.

Growing up and hearing all these itty bitty tiny girls complain about having to lose 5lbs to get a guy to notice them, or to fit into their prom dresses it hurt really badly inside because they don’t know what it’s like to be FAT!
As I have read the responses to the original post over and over. I wonder if my body image is all wacked out. Would my views be different if I were in a different situation? I have really been thinking a lot about this. I’ve been working on the mental aspect of my journey. How can I understand my views on body image and how it pertains to me? It’s pretty deep!

What is your body image? How do you deal with your transformation and your views on Body Image?